When you marry someone, you hope to spend the remainder of your life with your spouse. However, things don’t always go as planned. Relationships are complicated, and sometimes they don’t last. Perhaps you and your spouse have grown in different directions over the years and are no longer compatible.
One of the hardest decisions you may ever make is to ask for a divorce. If you’ve tried couples therapy but still feel as if the relationship is no longer serving you, it may be best to move on. However, your spouse may have a different perspective on the relationship.
If you want to get divorced, where do you even begin? The thought of asking for a divorce could make you feel nauseous as your spouse may react with intense anger and resistance. How do you even tell someone that you want a divorce?
What are your reasons for wanting a divorce? Before asking for a divorce, you need to be 100 percent clear that you really want to end your marriage. Don’t threaten divorce if your relationship has grown rocky and you want your spouse to change his ways.
If you still love your spouse and feel unsure about divorce, try going to couples counseling instead. Remember that once you tell your spouse you want a divorce, you cannot take back that statement.
The Time and Place
Unfortunately, there’s no good time or place to tell your significant other you want a divorce. However, you do need to talk to them without any interruptions, so if you have kids, make sure they are not in the house at the time. If your spouse recently was recently fired from his job or experienced a major event in his life, it’s best to wait until the dust settles before informing him that you want to end the marriage.
Be Firm Yet Gentle
When you inform your spouse that you want to end the marriage, make sure to be gentle yet firm in your delivery. Do not approach him with anger or blame, which will only make him feel defensive. Try using “I” statements rather than “you” statements to avoid escalating the conversation into a nasty fight.
Expect Anger and Resistance
Even if you approach the divorce topic with as much calmness and compassion possible, your spouse may react with anger and resistance. Although it may be difficult, do not respond to their anger with antagonism, which will only make things worse.
Toxic or festering emotions could prevent you and your spouse from separating amicably, which could further complicate divorce proceedings. Seeking out the help of a counselor will help you both deal with your emotions and move forward with divorce proceedings as positively as you can.
For couples who have children together, divorcing can be even more complicated and difficult. You may not know how to break the news to your kids, and a divorce counselor can help.
Don’t Discuss Divorce Details Right Away
When you tell your spouse you want a divorce, don’t go over the details of a divorce right away. Your emotions will feel raw, and it’s simply not the best time to work out the logistics your separation.
Collaborative Divorce Assistance
As a licensed psychotherapist and collaborative divorce coach, I help couples negotiate the emotional fallout of a divorce so they can part ways as amicably as possible. Many couples feel absolutely devastated and hopeless when choosing to divorce. However, with the right help, you can separate in a peaceful manner and move forward in a positive way.
The Problem With Traditional Litigated Divorce
Traditional divorce litigation often put both spouses in adversarial positions, which dehumanizes both of you. Through my collaborative divorce program, you can access attorneys that take a more heart-centered approach to divorce proceedings.
Together with a divorce coach, a financial specialist and a child specialist, you and your spouse can honestly and openly exchange information and determine joint solutions. By pledging to not go to court and working with our team, you take into account your needs as well as the needs of your children.
The collaborative process of divorcing can be a tough one, and I’m able to help you sort our difficult feelings and manage your emotions, which are running high. Throughout this difficult time, I offer emotional support and listen to your story. By helping you define your present and future goals, I help you and your spouse gain control of your divorce proceedings.
With the right coaching, you and your spouse can learn how to respectfully communicate with one another so you can negotiate your new family structure as smoothly as possible. If you need help during this difficult time in your life, please contact my counseling office in Cockeysville today. You can live a full life after divorce, and I would be happy to offer my assistance.